Alvin Gentry: "We Drafted The Wrong Morris Twin"

Gentry Nearly Soiled Himself When Markieff Showed up

One of the many story lines out of the 2011 NBA draft was the Morris twins being drafted back to back, 13th and 14th by Phoenix and Houston. Markieff Morris was drafted by the Suns before his brother Marcus, despite Marcus being the clearly better player, a better scorer, and the Big-12 Player of the year at Kansas.

After Markieff showed up to the Suns facilities Monday, Suns coach Alvin Gentry almost had a heart attack.

"Holy crap... We drafted the wrong guy... I totally thought he was Marcus, I couldn't tell them apart." Gentry said. "The time was ticking and I got their names mixed up and... wow... we screwed up again..."

This isn't the Suns first time screwing up with NBA brothers... The Suns acquired Big man Jarron Collins thinking he was his Superior twin Jason, they drafted Robin Lopez, after mixing him up with his brother Brook, and they drafted Blake Griffin's older brother, Taylor, which was quite possibly the most embarrassing mix up yet.

Yankees to start a second American League Franchise

"Yankees 2 will be refreshing for MLB"

Many are asking which National League team will make the jump to the American League. Look no more as the New York Yankees announced they buy out the Houston Astros, and make a second Yankees franchise to fill in the void in the AL.

"We felt that this would be the perfect opportunity to expand." Hal Steinbrenner expressed today. "After looking at our books, we can afford another team. So when the MLB announced they are mulling a realignment we felt this was the best time to buy another team, and create the Yankees 2."

The Yankee's 2 will move from Houston and move into New York, and join the AL West.

"Geographically, this makes no sense, but since the Yankees are picking up the tab... We don't care." Commissioner Bud Selig said after unveiling the Yankees 2. "But I think the Yankees 2 will be refreshing for the MLB."

"Yankees? Yankees who? I'm all about the Yankees 2 baby!" Said a tacky New York Fan sporting his new Yankees 2 hat and T-shirt, "I just can't wait for a Yankees vs Yankees 2 ALCS."

 No one can say for sure, but this could be one of the best things for baseball. It also gives players whose dream was to play for the Yankees, to play for the Yankees 2.

New Facebook Poll Shows 70% Of NBA Slept With Pau Gasol's Girlfriend

After the Lakers were swept by the Dallas Mavericks in the Western Conference Semi-Finals, a stir was caused after Pau Gasol stated a teammate disrupted his relationship with his girlfriend, and that was the root of his awful play in the post season.

Later that week Gasol's teammate Shannon Brown had this to say on his Twitter page:

The tweet gained immediate media recognition, and from there the hunt was on. Who slept with Pau Gasol's girlfriend?



Many Laker fans were outraged, if someone wasn't sleeping with his girlfriend, he would have played like someone who had a spine, and  the Lakers wouldn't have been swept.

A distressed Kobe Bryant tried putting an end to the question by putting a simple poll on Facebook, the results were shocking.

"I just thought by asking the question, we could find out who slept with his girlfriend, and solve the problem from there." Kobe said Monday. "But I didn't know the result would come to this."

Minutes after posting the question, over 25,000 people responded:

The poll showed over 70% of the NBA has slept with Pau Gasol's girlfriend, including Chris Kaman, Joakim Noah, and his own brother Marc Gasol.

"Look, the guy plays like a 7 foot flower girl prancing down the lane." Said Marc Gasol minutes after the poll came out "No wonder why he freaked out and couldn't play when he found out his girl was cheating on him... the guy is a joke." 

Lakers President Jerry Buss released a statement to the NBA that stated "Please do not sleep with Pau's girlfriend any more. He is a very sensitive man and can't handle outside issues very well. Pau is getting older and has that weird European look, and odds are he wont be able to find another girlfriend before he dies."

Pau tweeted briefly "I really liked her..." but then immediately deleted the tweet.

NBA, MLB to Move to NFL Model

Stern and Selig are just glad they don't run the NHL

Monday Night Baseball? You know it. Week 82 Basketball? You betcha. The MLB and NBA will switch to the NFL format of scheduling one game a week in hopes for more profits.

“Both the NBA and NFL are currently working on a new CBA, when I saw the NFL’s $9 Billion dollar pie, I said ‘gee wiz I sure would like that’, then it dawned on me… if we play one game a week we could have that too.” Said NBA Commissioner David Stern.

Both leagues will change the format to have each team play one game every week. Most games will be played Sunday and each week a select game will be played Sunday Night, and the premier game that week will be played on Monday night. Each franchise will be given a bye week, which will put the NBA season just under a year and 8 months, while the MLB will be extended to just over 3 years.

“The NFL makes a ton of money, even the NFL fantasy leagues make more money than some of our franchises.” Said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. “And we figured the main difference between leagues is the scheduling… If we play one game a week, then everyone can come on a Sunday, instead of 40,000 empty seats in Tampa on a Tuesday.”

Both Leagues benefit greatly from the format change. No more grueling back to back games. No more “road trips” when the team has a week to go home in between. It also gives coaches an entire week to prepare their teams for the upcoming game. These are all things that really hurt both the MLB and NBA ticket sales.

In the MLB, this schedule would eliminate the need for #2,3,4, and 5 starters. It also allows teams to cut down on the size of the bullpen, which saves teams mass amounts of money. This will also free up those coveted “#1b” starters, and give teams like Arizona a chance to have a real pitcher.

The same applies for the playoffs, which would tack on another 4-8 months of action in the playoffs alone. Both Leagues will be switching to the new format and will look forward to crowning the 2012-2013-2014 Champions. When asked if either league will implement a "Thursday night game" both commissioners laughed and said "that's a stupid idea."

College Player Leaves Over Contract Disputes

USC Will buy out Sullingers $6 Mil. Contract

Ohio State star forward Jared Sullinger announced he will leave Ohio State after Ohio State could not give him the contract he wanted. Sullinger's agent made a statement early this week "Look, my client is one of the best amateur athlete's in the game, I believe he should be the highest paid college player."

Sullinger averaged 17 points and 10 rebounds a game last season for the #1 Buckeyes. "I went in with the AD, asked for a new contract, they wouldn't budge so I am transferring to USC." Said Sullinger, "They told me they would give me more than Ohio State... So I am taking my talents to So-Cal." 

Some speculate USC's contract offer will make Jared Sullinger the highest paid amateur basketball player. Add in jersey sales, and endorsements and Sullinger will sign the biggest contract in college sports ever.

"Most colleges won't sign their players to multi-million dollar contracts as a sophomore, but this kid is that good." said an Jeff Ross, Assistant AD at USC. "But with this years recruiting class, and bringing in Jared USC becomes an instant contender."

Down 3-0, Phil Jackson Used Life Alert

After falling down 3 games to none, Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson, 65, used his Life Alert in the post game interview.

Jackson briefly forgot where he was after the game.

Half way through the press conference, Jackson began to breath heavily, and fell off his chair when asked if he thinks the Lakers are done. Minutes later, two EMT's arrived to help the ailing Jackson. "I'm OK... I just...It was just a spill... I..." He then mumbled something under his breath before getting back on his chair.

Many were concerned with Jackson after dropping game 1 at home. After falling down again in game 2, and forgetting to play more than 9 players his family got concerned. "His health is really going down hill." Jeanie Buss, Jackson's girlfriend expressed. "Ever since the 11th title, he just kind of let go."

Jackson was advised to do as little as possible for the rest of the season, which includes making substitutions, calling plays, and motivating players.

Baltimore Ravens: "We lost our pick."

Oher was afraid he ate the pick

The Baltimore Ravens had the 26th overall pick going into the first round Friday, but when they were put on the clock, they couldn't find their pick. "We were ready to turn in our pick, then we realized we lost it." Said head coach John Harbaugh "We started turning over chairs, asking if the Steelers took it, and looking in the trash can."

There was mass confusion in the draft room as the Ravens clock hit 0:00 allowing the Chiefs to draft 26th. "We will probably buy the Ravens a drink or something, send them a nice gift because that was nice of them to let us move up the board for free." Said Chiefs head coach Todd Haley.

At one point running back Ray Rice was crawling under tables looking for the pick. By the time the Chiefs made there selection, Harbaugh found the pick under Michael Oher's half eaten sandwich.